the grind.....I'm in it

Dear Suzie.....

Out of all the photos I use on this lil old blog, this one probably looks most like me. Ha! (But it's NOT me....it's some random picture from Stock Photography-type sites)...

I am tired.

I want a massage followed by a very long nap.

Mother's Day sucked. I did get semi-breakfast in bed (DH respected the diet and fixed me appropriately boring food) but no gift! NO FREAKING GIFT. I wish I could tell men all over that Mother's Day is kind of like Judgement Day once a year for Momma. It says how you think how we did all year. Apparently, I suck. Because I didn't get anything. Not a damn thing.

Father's Day is gonna suck, too.

I am moody. And in a rut, I am wallowing and I want some comfort. Damn it, I want familiar foods. I want to go sit at Chili's and inhale some nachos. But I can't. And more importantly, I won't.

I have been consistently working out. 6 out of the last 7 days have found me at the gym. (I had to take one day off to allow my body to rest). Overall, I feel good. I hope it's working. Who can tell under the layers of flab..........?

How do I feel? Like quitting. Like this is not going to work. It's the devil inside of me, shouting down what I know is good for me. It's that fat lazy bitch, sitting on top of the younger looking, healthy babe that is inside of me.

I will keep going. Even when it hurts. Even when those nachos whisper my name as I drive past Chili's.

Good news is I actually LIKE going to the gym. It feels good to put me first. I first felt selfish. Not so much anymore. Let the family wait. They won't starve. I am important, too.

Take that, ya f'ing Nachos!!

PS, Suzie, don't get mad but I am still stuck at the same weight....Am I burning fat and building muscle at the same time...? I am not weighing until next week and I'm gonna hit it hard EVERY DAY until then. Pray I don't cheat......)

I can do this.....I CAN! I WILL.....