car wreck

Dear Suzie Girl....

I work in a field where I deal with car crash victims frequently.

And I tell them that the soreness will be at its peak on Day 4.

Yesterday was MY Day 4.

And my body is the wreck in question....

I AM SOOOO FREAKIN' SORE.

(But I will not quit.)

Today we worked on abs. I was doing those crunches thinking of ways to kill that trainer.

She had the nerve enough to tell me, "Oh, I don't even work out." I could have done my ironing on her stomach....

Tomorrow, I am considering signing up for a weekend Beginner Yoga class.

That statement alone is something I thought I would NEVER say.

Never say never, people.

I remain determined and focused. Even though I hurt all over, I am feeling good overall. I know it's working. I even bought new workout clothes today at KOHL'S (my 2nd home).

Tonight, I have to go to some work crap with my husband, deal with the asshats that he works with. I will be surrounded by chicken wings, fried snack and COKE. I have to stay strong. I don't HAVE TO eat that, but I am so going to WANT it.

I don't wanna.....

Okay, I'll admit: Today, I am whiney.

I don't wanna work out.

I want to sit on the couch and watch TV while the house is perfectly quiet.

I am so freaking tired from working out that I have a backlog on my DVR..

(Ironically, one of the shows in my backlog is Biggest Loser On Nbc...HA!)

See what I mean? WHINING...

I will go work out.

I will get off the couch.

I will NOT go by Dunkin Donuts.

I was amazed yesterday. I had to run one of the offspring by a friend's house and I was so excited when they called because it takes me to a part of a town that I rarely go to.

I was excited because every time I go that way, I go to this EVIL BAKERY. (Seriously, the baker guy is similar to the Soup Nazi...)

Then I realized, I was just like an addict, itching for the next fix.
Except mine is sugar, butter and flour.

It's as this point that I wanna YELL...but I just look at those naked pictures of myself and it centers me again. (Which is gross, let me tell you. Unless you're a SuperModel or a Yoga instructor, I'm convinced that very few people look really good naked.....)

Okay, I'm done whining. I'm gonna get it done...but damn, I don't WANNA.

it's just fat.....

Dear Suzie...




CRAP!!! I am riddled with cravings today. Most people have sassy, sexy dreams. Well, some do. Last night, I dreamed of pasta...PASTA....Who dreams about pasta....? Apparently I do.


But Suzie girl, I feel good. Cravings and general whining aside, I feel good.

Damn, I'm sore from exercising. I can move. I can do this.


Okay, remember yesterday I promised we were gonna talk about the "No-No zone".....I'm really gonna share. (prepare yourself for TMI, folks)......My husband and I have been forever. There is nothing he doesn't know about me. He has seen every scar, every flaw, every bump, every roll on my body. BUT STILL I don't like for him to touch me in certain areas. Let's go over those, shall we? ('Cause I know y'all are eager to know.....)

• I had to have a c-section with one of our kids and I have that oh-so-lovely flap of Mom skin. It's like someone stook two feet in front of me, pulled my stomach skin out as far as possible then sewed beneath it and let it go. What the hell???? THIS is the badge of motherhood??? I HATE IT. And I hate it even more when my husband touches it. I mean, I flip out when he touches me. I stretch and scoot and re-position myself so he won't touch it. That's so not fair to him. After all, I made the damn kid WITH HIM. I get mad at him if he touches me there. Just how stupid is that?


Another spot is my hips. I used to love when he'd grab my hips. Now I freeze, holding my breath (as if holding my breath will suck in 40# of flab???)

This behavior is not good. It's unfair to my wonderful seriously-too-sexy husband. I should just DEAL WITH IT. I guess it's because IN MY HEAD, I don't look like that. My reality and what's in my head are not in sych.

Well, a reality check is the scale and a full length mirror.
And me naked.

Oh dear Suzie, it's just not pretty. In any way. I hate what pregnancy has done to my body. But shit, let's face it: my youngest child is a THIRD GRADER. I have long since given up the right to call it "baby fat". It's just FAT now...

I am still enjoying eating. Overall, all things considered, I don't feel like I am STARVING. I am giving my body what it needs, instead of WHAT I WANT. But my wants and changing....

Look at this way,

THIS

will get me to this :)

I also decided that if I make my GOAL WEIGHT (of 145, wishing for 140 but I am tempering my wishes with reality...and that killer who calls himself a trainer agrees that 140 might be tough on me....), that I will treat myself to an hour long HOT ROCKS MASSAGE (which I would love to get for Mother's Day, but NO ONE will realize this....)

I think massages are the freaking BOMB. My husband has no clue how much he could please me with his amazing strong hands and a bottle of lotion. I am so easy to please.
MASSAGE your way to my heart please.

Now, I have a date with a glass of water and a hot bath. I ache. My will is strong, even if my body is not.

oh dear God..

Dear Suzie........

Sorry for not posting.

It's not like anyone actually reading.

But I am doing this for accountability sake....

I went to the gym today.

HOLY CRAP, am I out of shape?

Unless round is a shape.

I have lost 6.5# in one week, now weighing in at 162 even. My BMI is 29% and get this, my BODY FAT is 36%....36 freakin %, folks.

I am apparently made of Crisco and marshmallow.

That lil trainer dude, who I could snap in half, was gentle with me. Yeah right.

I ache.

But as I was sweating, lifting the weight of my own flabby arms, I was saying my children's names over and over. I want to be around to be a grandma. It all starts now.

I am not a quitter.

I am not giving up.

My health is important.

I am staying the course.

I can do this.

But I might have to kill that trainer dude. He actually was cool. He gave me permission to call him an asshole. You gotta love a guy with THAT much of a sense of humor.

Cheats: I have not cheated. I have been true to the Fat Flush . It has not been that day. I thought I was going to barf when one of my kids had McDonald's today. All I have to do is replay "SuperSize Me" in my head....

I am not a quitter.....

Tomorrow: we'll talk about the "No-No Zone"....you know what I am talking about? That area of a women's body that she doesn't wanna be touched.....Oh, yeah. let's talk about it.

oh dear Suzie girl....

Hi everyone...

Once again, I am talking to myself..but this time for the whole wide world to see. Or read, as the case may be. I am writing to myself. For myself. For my own entertainment. So when I realize my goal, I can come back and look and say "Damn girl, you did it!!"

I don't mind if you read here, too. Maybe you'll learn something about me. I'm just an ordinary person. With an ordinary life. In fact, the things I go through probably repeat themselves in 1,000's of households all over our US of A. I am a statistic. How so? Well, I am one of the bazillion people in the US who is overweight. Shocking, I Know. This society of me, me, me has led us to be People of Chunk. Myself included. from CDCP: Percent of noninstitutionalized adults age 20 years and over who are overweight or obese: 66% (Source: NHANES data on the Prevalence of Overweight and Obesity Among Adults-United States, 2003-2004)

How much chunk? That is the million dollar question. (ADD moment: I wish someone would say me a million dollar to be SUPER healthy. I totally would do it!)

How much do I weigh? I hate this question. I have avoided it as slong as I have avoided the fact that pants are too tight. Shit, I don't want to answer, but Suzie girl, we gotta face facts. It al started when I saw a video of myself. Crap, did I look fat? I did. And video does not lie. The first thing I thought is,"No wonder my husband's sex drive plummeted. He has to screw THAT?"

(I warned ya...very personal stuff here...)

So I decided we'll go on a diet. He agreed to do it with me. But he's a man and can fart and lose 3#. Women, we have hormones and stuff and more hormones. So it takes us longer and it's harder. But we're doing this together, he and I. Let me tell ya: my husband is every bit of the hottest man you've ever seen. He really is. He is tall, broad shoulder and oh my, he's just yummy. Luckily, he's about the only thing I can eat and not gain weight.

Anyhow, I weighed myself. On the first day of my period. When all I can think of is Dairy Queen, crunchy chips, cheeseburgers and anything deep fat fried. What the hell was I thinking? A diet on Day 1? INSANE. But I did it. I weighed myself.

a whopping 168. (I should also mention that I am 5'3" in height....) At this weight, I look short and wide. If I were a storage container, those would be great stats. But I am a reasonably attractive, mostly healthy 40 year old WOMAN. My BMI is teetering. I am a 29 right now...and that's all I can think about. Even more so that Cheetoes. You wanna know YOUR BMI? Go here: Calculate your BMI - Standard BMI Calculator

What diet did I choose? ....The Fat Flush Plan For Accelerated Weight Loss.....and it's TOUGH. Well, that's a lie. I just don't want to DO IT. But it worked last time (until me and the Sexy Man gave up, and I put on EVERY stinking pound again...)

So I am proud to say, Suzie Girl, that we have survived Week 1 of the Diet. I am down 4.8#, can I just round up and say 5#? My mind just works better with whole numbers. Week one is hard on me...It's actually PHASE 1...I call it hell. Phase 1 is the 'toughest' stage of the program and has been labled 'bootcamp'. It is first and foremost a cleansing program to facilitate weight loss by giving the liver support and nourishment. It basically means I give up most food that has taste and end up so freakin' hungry that ANYTHING would taste good....

But I wanna be healthy, right?

My goal weight is 135. I am 30# away from that. I look at that and say, "Shit, I am NEVER gonna make it." But I can think that, or look at these 5 pounds, and say "You rock, Momma! You're off to a great start!" (I tend to be negative and then go eat a pie...)

So Suzie, here we go. Onto healthiness and eventual hotness.
Whatever way this goes, you gotta love yourself. Love ya, Suzie.....

(personal note: photos used in blog posts ARE NOT ACTUALLY ME. They are stock photos. I have to anonymous and all myserious-like. My kids are techno-nerds and I don't want them to find me online....)