MIA

Dear Suzie....

I thought about quitting. It's been a rough few days. I can't talk now.
Life is demanding. And it's HARD to keep this blog a secret.....

I am going to the gym tonight, even though I would rather go eat some onion rings dipped in gravy. Period cravings SUCK......

More later...when I am not so bitchy.....

crap

Dear Suzie...

it's been a week since I've written.

I almost gave up.

I am a little depressed.

Been fighting with my husband. My kids are not helping out and I feel like I am on my own.

I am exhausted and don't feel like I am doing enough.

Oh, and I ate like a f'ing pig this week. The excuse? One of my kids' birthday. Like that justifies undoing ALL of my sacrifices. I am so mad that I could just throw something.......

I feel like I am carrying me AND my husband. We both work. My hours are more flexible (I freelance) and this SUPPOSEDLY means I have more time. Tell any mom with kids and laundry that she has more time. Ha! Would it kill him to fix a meal or two? Or even CLEAN THE KITCHEN?????

I am having a hard time getting things done, the laundry, the meals, my workout, helping kids with homework......I can FEEL myself slipping into a depression.

And you know what comforts me when I am blue?

I just want some freakin' comfort.....!!!!!

So instead of sitting here, whining some more, I'm going to get up off of my sizable ass and go to the gym. What I really want is to go through the drive through and buy something crunchy and salty and just INHALE it......

Crap..........

Emotional Eating....

Oh Dear Suzie.....

You're going to be so disappointed in me.

I cheated. I have been so good. And I threw that out the window....

You wanna know what it was that was my downfall? (don't laugh...)

A HUGE bowl of Kellogg's Frosted Flakes . Damn cereal was SCREAMING my name.


It's probably at this point that I should reveal that I, like so many millions of women (and men)...I am an emotional eater. Have a had day? Eat a bowl of ice cream. Have a fight with your sweetie? Crunch an entire family size bag of chips.

I know that it's not THE WORST cheat there is. I could have totally downed a greasy double jalapeno cheeseburger WITH FRIES. But I didn't. I ate corn flakes. With consequently have no fat...It's the damn sugar.

Sugar is my crack.....and just eating that small bowl has wrecked me. I tried to throw it up to no avail. I feel awful. Let that be a lesson.

I am so pissed at myself. I let myself down. Probably set myself up for a weight gain. ARGH!!!
I threw the box away. My kids didn't understand why I was kicking the trashcan.

I can do this......I can. But will I allow myself ANY errors? I dunno...

you big turkey

Dear Suzie...........

Am I a complete dork? (don't answer that.....) I can't WAIT for the season finale tonight. Those people INSPIRE me. When I don't want to do one more second of cardio, I think of how far they've come and I think: I can do this, too. For myself and for my family....

And tonight only, Tuesday, May 12, you can go to JennieO.com and get a $5.00 off coupon for Jennie-O Turkey products. During tonight's finale of The Biggest Loser on NBC at 8:00pm, Jennie-O will give out 25,000 coupons online. I like their lean ground turkey and use it in place of ground beef in lots of recipes.

Set your clock--and plan to go to the JennieO website tonight for some free turkey! While you're there, you can also sign up to receive the Savor Flavor booklet, which also includes the coupon.

You KNOW I'll be signing up...I make some mean turkey meatballs. Some diet food I can't handle....like cauliflower. Gag me.....but I love broccoli. Go figure.

I wish I knew if ANYONE was reading this. I feel alone....Alone with my fat and my determination. So if you're reading, SPEAK UP....

Now, I am off to the gym before my kids get home. One of the lil buggers didn't believe that I went yesterday while he was at school. They're keeping me honest.

the grind.....I'm in it

Dear Suzie.....

Out of all the photos I use on this lil old blog, this one probably looks most like me. Ha! (But it's NOT me....it's some random picture from Stock Photography-type sites)...

I am tired.

I want a massage followed by a very long nap.

Mother's Day sucked. I did get semi-breakfast in bed (DH respected the diet and fixed me appropriately boring food) but no gift! NO FREAKING GIFT. I wish I could tell men all over that Mother's Day is kind of like Judgement Day once a year for Momma. It says how you think how we did all year. Apparently, I suck. Because I didn't get anything. Not a damn thing.

Father's Day is gonna suck, too.

I am moody. And in a rut, I am wallowing and I want some comfort. Damn it, I want familiar foods. I want to go sit at Chili's and inhale some nachos. But I can't. And more importantly, I won't.

I have been consistently working out. 6 out of the last 7 days have found me at the gym. (I had to take one day off to allow my body to rest). Overall, I feel good. I hope it's working. Who can tell under the layers of flab..........?

How do I feel? Like quitting. Like this is not going to work. It's the devil inside of me, shouting down what I know is good for me. It's that fat lazy bitch, sitting on top of the younger looking, healthy babe that is inside of me.

I will keep going. Even when it hurts. Even when those nachos whisper my name as I drive past Chili's.

Good news is I actually LIKE going to the gym. It feels good to put me first. I first felt selfish. Not so much anymore. Let the family wait. They won't starve. I am important, too.

Take that, ya f'ing Nachos!!

PS, Suzie, don't get mad but I am still stuck at the same weight....Am I burning fat and building muscle at the same time...? I am not weighing until next week and I'm gonna hit it hard EVERY DAY until then. Pray I don't cheat......)

I can do this.....I CAN! I WILL.....

ugh....

What's in a fast-food burger

Dear Suzie...

How can they cram so much crap into a "burger", so many CHEMICALS, and it still tastes so damn good? Tell me please!!

car wreck

Dear Suzie Girl....

I work in a field where I deal with car crash victims frequently.

And I tell them that the soreness will be at its peak on Day 4.

Yesterday was MY Day 4.

And my body is the wreck in question....

I AM SOOOO FREAKIN' SORE.

(But I will not quit.)

Today we worked on abs. I was doing those crunches thinking of ways to kill that trainer.

She had the nerve enough to tell me, "Oh, I don't even work out." I could have done my ironing on her stomach....

Tomorrow, I am considering signing up for a weekend Beginner Yoga class.

That statement alone is something I thought I would NEVER say.

Never say never, people.

I remain determined and focused. Even though I hurt all over, I am feeling good overall. I know it's working. I even bought new workout clothes today at KOHL'S (my 2nd home).

Tonight, I have to go to some work crap with my husband, deal with the asshats that he works with. I will be surrounded by chicken wings, fried snack and COKE. I have to stay strong. I don't HAVE TO eat that, but I am so going to WANT it.